The Capable & Overwhelmed Trap: When Looking Fine on the Outside Means Suffering Inside

By Laura Zane, LMHC | Sage Synergy Counseling & Wellness | Online Therapy in Florida

From the outside? You look like you have it all together.

The kids are fed and at school on time (mostly on time, I see you my ADHDers). The house isn’t a total disaster; it’s good enough. You’re showing up to work. You’re keeping the marriage going. A lot of the time, you are the person other people call when things get hard, because honestly, you just seem like you’ve got it together.

This pattern is especially common in neurodivergent women and highly sensitive adults who have learned to mask their struggles while quietly carrying an overwhelming mental and emotional load.

But here’s what nobody sees: you are sinking.

Your meltdowns happen in the shower. They happen during your revenge procrastination bedtime. That sweet quiet time when the house is finally asleep. You KNOW you need to go to bed; instead, you stay up too late and maybe even fall apart. Your downtime is spent sleeping, hoping to recover from the sensory and emotional overload that just never stops. You fantasize about escaping on a solo vacation. Not because you don’t love your family, you absolutely do, but because you are running on empty and you know that a few days alone would mean coming back fuller. More present. More you.

Sound familiar? Welcome to what I call the Capable & Overwhelmed Trap. And yes, I have been there. More on that in a bit.

Neurodivergent Burnout: Why You Feel Fine on the Outside but Overwhelmed Inside

This is something I see all the time in neurodivergent women, especially those with ADHD, autism, or high sensitivity. Women who look like they are functioning well on the outside but are actually experiencing burnout and overwhelm internally.

And the hard part? The more capable you are, the easier it is for this to go unnoticed. By other people. And eventually, by you too.

What Is the Capable and Overwhelmed Trap?

A lot of neurodivergent people, whether that is ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences, anxiety, or some delightful grab bag of all of the above, get really good at masking. Masking is basically learning to perform “normal” in a world that was not designed for your brain. You learn young. You become a masking expert. And eventually it becomes so conditioned, so automatic, that even the people closest to you have no idea how much effort it takes just to get through a regular Tuesday. Hell, sometimes you don’t even realize you have put on the mask!

The Catch 22 is the better you are at masking, the more invisible your struggle becomes. To everyone around you. And sometimes to yourself.

When you look like you have it all together, people assume you can handle more. So more gets added. And because you’ve been doing it so well, it never occurs to most people to ask if you’re actually okay.

Why Women Mask More (Society, We Need to Talk)

Neurodivergent women mask at significantly higher rates than their male counterparts, and that is not an accident.

From the time we are little girls, we are taught to manage other people’s feelings. Be agreeable. Be helpful. Keep the peace. Smile through it. Take care of others. Was anyone else given that stupid JOY message? Jesus, Others, Yourself? Talk about a recipe for burn out! These messages become part of who we are, so much so that many of us do not even notice we are doing it. It just feels like being a good person. A good mom. A good partner. A good employee. And, society rewards us for it.

But what it actually looks like in practice is a neurodivergent woman who has become so skilled at managing everyone else’s experience that she has completely lost track of her own.

The world taught us to manage other people’s feelings. Nobody taught us to manage our own nervous system. And that gap? That’s where the overwhelm lives.

Layer on top of that a world that was not built for neurodivergent brains, and you have a very exhausted, very masked, very burnt out woman who looks, from the outside, like she is absolutely thriving.

The “What If” Gap: Why Neurotypicals Don’t See What You See

Here is something that might help you feel a little less alone in the resentment spiral: neurotypical people are generally not the ultra deep thinkers. They are not going seven layers deep when they ask you for something.

When they ask for help, they are not thinking: “If she says no, who will do this? She only asks when she really needs it so she must really need it. I can’t leave her without support. What if something goes wrong? What if she thinks I don’t care?”

They are thinking: “I need help. She’s good at this. I’ll ask.” That’s it. No seven-layer dip of consequences and contingencies.

But your brain? Your brain is already running all the scenerios before you can even answer. You are calculating their emotional reaction, your own guilt, the litany of what-ifs, and three different worst case possibilities, all at the same time. That is not a flaw. That is a highly empathic, pattern-seeking brain doing what it does. But it is also an enormous amount of invisible labor that neurotypicals simply do not carry, and often do not even know to account for.

They asked a simple question. You answered a 47-question internal exam. No wonder you’re exhausted.

And Then There’s Menopause (Nobody Warned Me About This Part)

Okay can we talk about this? Because I feel like it does not get said enough.

Before menopause, things were hard. During menopause? I was a walking train wreck that forgot even where the tracks were.

And I want you to know…if you are in perimenopause or menopause and everything has suddenly gotten louder, harder, more overwhelming, and somehow more intense all at once, you are not imagining it and you are not losing your mind!

Here is what is actually happening: estrogen does a lot of behind-the-scenes work for your brain. It supports executive function, helps regulate your nervous system, and plays a role in how you process sensory input and emotions. TADA! Enter peri-menopause: hormones starts going haywire, everything that was a little hard becomes impossible. The ADHD symptoms you had mostly figured out? Back like a bad fungus in the middle of a rain forest. The sensory sensitivities you had learned to work around? They amplify like an 80’s rock concert. Sleep falls apart. Anxiety spikes. The masking that you didn’t realize your were doing…becomes almost impossible.

A Confession (Or: The Day Three Clients All Showed Up for the Same Appointment Time and I Wanted to Disappear)

Okay. Storytime. And I am sharing this because I think it will make you feel better about literally any scheduling mistake you have ever made.

About a year into my private practice, I was an overbooked, overwhelmed, mom with an infant practice running on fumes, and doing that very thing I talk to clients about, taking on more than my nervous system could actually handle.

Client One was a regular. She called to schedule, we set her up for my 10 am appointment, and then I got distracted (hi, ADHD) and forgot to add it to my calendar. She showed up. I had completely forgotten, because typical ADHD, out of sight, out of mind.

Client Two was a new client. She called, I booked her for 10 am, same time as client One. Apparently, between booking the appointment and crying kids, I got pulled away before I could record it.

Day of, Client Three called in crisis. I had to get her in immediately. Cool, I love how Divine works things out…I have a 10 am open.(You see where this is going right?) I was like come on in.

The first one to show was my crisis client. As she is crying I hear the door open and close. Huh, that is weird, my office mate doesn’t usually work Thursdays. I go out and it was my regular. I was like oh no, I am so sorry, I double booked. Go back, work with the crisis client, in walks my new client. I check to see if she is there for my office mate, NO, I am here for you. I was mortified. I felt like a terrible therapist. Like I had failed people at the exact moments they needed reliability most. Enter self-criticism .

But here is the truth: I was not a bad therapist. I was an overwhelmed therapist who had taken on too much and had absolutely zero systems in place to compensate for my brain’s very predictable weak spots.

The fix was not to try harder or be more careful or give myself a stern lecture about being more organized. The fix was self-scheduling software, so the system does what my brain was never consistently going to do on its own. Simple. Practical. Genuinely life changing.

The “Just Say No” Problem (It Is Not That Simple)

“Just say no!” Oh, cool. Thanks. Super helpful. Why did none of us think of that? Insert eye roll here.

Here is what actually happens: someone asks you to do something. Your nervous system is already maxed out and you do not process that fast enough in the moment. (Remember you are not just processing the request, but those 47 internal questions) Panic and overwhelm set in. So you say yes. Then later, when you’ve had actual time process all the pieces, you realize: oh no, I have overcommited.

Then, you have to go back and say…well actually…I thought I could, but… (which, by the way, is a sign of self-awareness, not flakiness), you are often met with annoyance or frustration. Cue: people-pleasing, rejection sensitivity, self-doubt or trauma history triggers around disappointing people.

A lot of us also have the urge to over-explain. We think: If I just give them enough context, they will understand and they will not be upset. What actually happens is the more you explain, the more others who are used to you being there, begin to negotiate. Suddenly you are stuck in a conversation your nervous system did not sign up for, you cannot think fast enough to find the exit, and you say yes again. And then the spiral: resentment, self-criticism, shame. Why can I never just say no? What is wrong with me?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you, except that you may need some actual tools.

5 Ways to Say No (Plus a Maybe, Because Sometimes You Just Need a Minute)

Short. Warm. Firm. No novel-length explanation. Here is what works:

1. “While I’d love to help, I don’t have the energy for that right now.” Honest and human. Energy is a real resource. Yours is limited. That is a complete sentence.

2. “I can’t prioritize that right now, so I’ll need to decline.” Clean. Professional. Nothing to argue with.

3. “My time is limited right now, and I can’t. Thank you for thinking of me.” A little warmth without opening the door for negotiation.

4. “Thank you for thinking of me. I’m not able to help with that.” The sentence ends at “though.” Do not add more. I know you want to. Do not.

5. “That doesn’t align with my goals right now, so I’m going to pass.” Great for professional settings. Decisive. Forward-looking. Very “I have my life together” energy even when you do not.

And the maybe, for when your brain genuinely needs time to process:

“I’d like some time to consider that. Can I get back to you in 24 to 48 hours?” This is not stalling. This is your brain doing what it needs to do, checking in with your actual capacity instead of defaulting to yes under pressure. Use this one freely and without guilt.

A few extras for the collection:
“I’m at capacity right now.”
“I’m not the right person for this right now.”
“I need to protect my bandwidth this season.”

The Capable & Overwhelmed Trap Is Real and It Is Exhausting

There is nothing small about carrying this much, even if your life looks “fine” from the outside.

When you are used to being the capable one, the reliable one, the one who figures it out, it can be really hard to even recognize how much you are holding, let alone give yourself permission to need support.

It’s okay to say, I need help. I can’t do this alone anymore.

That is often where things begin to shift.

Learning to protect your nervous system, say no without the guilt spiral, stop masking your way into burnout, and build a life that actually works with your brain rather than against it, these are all things you can genuinely work on. And when you do, the shift is real. Not just for you, but for everyone around you.

Because a you that is actually resourced is so much more present than a you that is white-knuckling through every single day. Your family does not need you to look fine. They need you to actually be okay.

If you are ready for support, we can work together in therapy to help you understand your capacity, reduce overwhelm, and build a life that actually works with your brain. I provide online therapy throughout Florida, including Miami, Naples, Tampa, Sarasota, Bradenton, Lakewood Ranch, Palm Beach, Boca Raton, and Orlando.

And if you are not quite ready for therapy, but you know something needs to change, you can start smaller. I have a boundaries course that walks you through how to protect your time, energy, and bandwidth in a way that actually sticks, without burning yourself out in the process.

FAQ’s

Questions I Hear All the Time (You Are Not Alone in These)

Is it normal to feel more overwhelmed than other people even when my life looks fine from the outside?

A: Yes—well, neurodivergent normal. Our brains process sensory input, emotional information, and everyday demands more intensely than neurotypical brains. What looks manageable from the outside can be genuinely exhausting from the inside. You are not being dramatic or too sensitive. You are not weak. You are running a very different operating system in a world that was designed for a different one.

Why do I always say yes and then immediately regret it?

A: So common, especially for people with ADHD or trauma histories. Many neurodivergences come with executive processing issues, which can cause delayed processing. That means your brain cannot always assess your real capacity when pressure is applied—you know, like when you feel people want an answer “NOW.”

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria means the fear of disappointing someone can override logic instantly. You say yes before your nervous system has even been consulted. The regret shows up later, when the pressure is off and reality has a chance to land.

I think I might be in perimenopause. Could that be making my ADHD or anxiety worse?

A: Almost certainly yes. Estrogen supports executive function, emotional regulation, and how your brain manages sensory input. As it fluctuates during perimenopause, a lot of neurodivergent women see their symptoms ramp up significantly.

Many gifted women get what I call an “ultra late” diagnosis in their 40s or 50s because the hormone changes interfere with their coping skills and ability to mask. If things that used to feel manageable suddenly feel impossible, that is worth exploring with both a therapist and a knowledgeable medical provider. And no, you are not just “getting worse.” Your baseline changed. That matters.

I live in Miami, Naples, Tampa, or Palm Beach and cannot find a therapist who actually understands neurodivergence. What do I do?

A: This is exactly why I offer online therapy throughout Florida. You do not have to choose between finding someone who genuinely understands neurodivergence and finding someone who is available in your area.

We can work together from wherever you are, whether that is a quiet corner of your house in Boca Raton, your parked car on your lunch break in Naples (no judgment, we have all been there), or the one room in your house with a door that locks.

Like this topic and Want More? Check out these blogs.

Buy the precut Watermelon is about choosing less to reduce anxiety and overwhelm and get more out of life.

Burnout In Highly Sensitive women is about being a neurodivergent woman while homeschooling.

When the World Feels Heavy: A Mother and Therapist Reflects on Grief, Compassion, and Choosing Love

Grief Trigger Warning

Sometimes the world feels very heavy.
This is what was on my heart this morning.

Many people, especially highly sensitive and compassionate people, feel deeply affected by suffering in the world. When violence, war, or tragedy appear in the news, it can leave us feeling overwhelmed, heartbroken, or powerless.

Before anything else, I am a mother.

Yes, I am Laura.
I am a therapist.
I am a wife and partner, a sister, a daughter. I am many things in this life. But when my children were born, something shifted in me in a way that is hard to explain to anyone who has not experienced it.

No matter what other roles I hold in this world, I am always a mother first.

And this morning I woke up heavy.

The Grief Mothers Carry Across the World

There are little girls who left for school and never came home. An occurrence that should never happen, yet is repeated. There are mothers waiting for sons and daughters who may never return from war. There are children who will grow up without the parents who once held them. Every life lost is someone’s child.

Across oceans and across languages I can imagine the sound a mother makes when she realizes her child is gone. I can imagine that same sound from mothers here at home who fear for their children’s safety.

Grief like that needs no translation.

I struggle to understand how humans reach a place where violence becomes acceptable. Even the smallest forms of harm make me pause, so the loss of human life, any human life, feels unbearable to me.

When the World Feels Heavy and We Feel Powerless

I hear people say thoughts and prayers, and I know that is often a reaction to feeling powerless.

I feel powerless too.

And if I am honest, I am angry.

I feel anger toward the leaders and systems that move the world closer to violence instead of healing. I feel anger when human life begins to feel expendable in public conversations.

Part of me wants to shout that the people making these decisions should have to face the consequences themselves.

And another part of me remembers that every soldier, every child, every person caught in conflict is still someone’s child. Still innocent. Still loved by a mother somewhere.

Holding those two truths at the same time is painful.

The Connection Between Love, Anger, and Compassion

The anger I feel is real, but underneath it is something deeper.

Because hate is not the opposite of love.

Hate is the shadow side of love.

You only feel that kind of anger when something you love deeply feels threatened.

And what I love is life.
Children.
Families.
The fragile miracle that any of us are here at all.

Choosing Compassion in a World That Feels Heavy

Feeling grief for the world does not mean something is wrong with you; often it means your compassion is still very much alive. So I refuse to add more hatred to a world that already has too much of it.

Instead, I will do what I can.

I will do my best to help heal the people who sit across from me in my therapy room. I will raise my children to be compassionate humans. I will keep choosing love even on the days when anger would be easier.

I cannot change the entire world.

But I can care deeply for the small corner of it that is mine.

Today I grieve for mothers everywhere. The mothers across the ocean whose language I will never speak. The mothers here at home worried about their own children. The mothers who will wake up tomorrow and ask themselves what they did wrong.

Grief needs no translation.

Because when you are a mother, every child feels a little bit like your own.

The grief I feel today is the shadow of my compassion. It is what compassion looks like when it runs into a world that still chooses violence.

If I did not care so deeply about life, about children, about families, I would not feel this pain.

So I will not try to silence it.

I will let it remind me why compassion matters.

Maybe my small voice will not change the world.

But maybe it adds one small kernel of compassion to it.

And maybe, just maybe, that still matters.

I will honor that my vulnerability, my compassion, and my love are my strength.

If This Resonates With You

This reflection may resonate with you if:

• You feel overwhelmed or heartbroken when you hear about suffering in the world
• You are a highly sensitive or deeply compassionate person
• World events sometimes leave you feeling powerless or heavy
• You care deeply about humanity but struggle with how to hold that compassion without becoming overwhelmed
• You are trying to raise children with empathy and kindness in a complicated world

Feeling deeply is not a weakness. Often, it is a reflection of your capacity for compassion.

Questions People Often Ask When the World Feels Heavy

Why do world events affect me so strongly?
Many highly sensitive or empathetic people feel the suffering of others deeply. Hearing about tragedy, violence, or injustice can activate grief, fear, and compassion all at once.

Is it normal to feel both anger and compassion at the same time?
Yes. Anger often emerges when something we deeply love feels threatened. It is possible to hold anger and compassion together without letting anger turn into hatred.

How can I care about the world without becoming overwhelmed?
One way is to focus on the areas where you do have influence—your family, your community, your relationships. Compassion becomes sustainable when we channel it into meaningful action within our own sphere.

Can therapy help if the world feels emotionally overwhelming?
Yes. Therapy can help highly sensitive and compassionate people learn how to hold grief, anger, and empathy without becoming emotionally depleted.

You Work From Home — How Do You Have Work Besties?

Returning home from a Saturday networking event, excited and in full ADHD chatter about how much fun I had, how I really enjoyed doing this event with one of my work besties, lost in the dopamine hit as only a true ADHDer can be, I was interrupted by my husband:

“You work from home… how do you have work besties?”
He said it with genuine curiosity, not sarcasm.
Screeched to a halt came the dopamine excitement, and the excitement of the networking train of thought, a sudden shift of tracks….

OH that’s right, I have a whole world that is not in my everyday life, yet a part of my everyday life. Maybe it’s time to talk about that!

There’s this assumption that if you work from home, especially as a therapist or healer, you’re sitting in a room by yourself, slowly spiraling into professional isolation. But for me, the truth is quite the opposite.

My Bestie Brie-Anna Willey from Business for Nerds find her @https://www.businessfornerds.com/

I Have Work Besties — They Just Don’t All Live Here (well some do, but most don’t)

I have several work besties, and they live all over the country.

Some of them, I’ve never met in person — we found each other online through coaching programs, collaborations, or even social media threads that turned into real friendships.

Others are local — we’ve met for coffee now and then — but most of our connection happens online. We hop on Sunday Zoom calls, check in by voice note, and co-work in real time, from wherever we are.

These relationships? They’re real.
They’re intentional.
And they’re saving me from burnout.

I Was Afraid Going Online Would Be Lonely

As a therapist, I need connection with others who understand what this work takes — emotionally, mentally, energetically.

I used to think working online would strip that away. That I'd be trading connection for convenience. But then I watched my kids build real friendships online — deep, trusting ones. They’d laugh, support each other, and build community in Minecraft or Discord the way I used to at lunch tables and break rooms.

And I thought… why not me?

Online Friendships Can Be Deeper Than In-Person Ones

And honestly? I prefer these relationships to many I had in past in-person jobs.

Back then, we connected mostly because we showed up at the same office. Now, my work besties are people I chose. People who chose me.

We make time to meet — not because we’re forced into the same break room — but because we value each other’s support. We bounce around ideas, talk marketing and mindset, cry, laugh, vent, and get each other through the weirdness that is online entrepreneurship.

They’ve seen me in every state:

• Polished and put-together before a presentation

• Disheveled and under-caffeinated on a Sunday brainstorm call

• Fragile after a tough week with clients

• Buzzing with excitement after a big win

These people get me — my work, my energy, my mission. They challenge me…to grow, confront my fears, to TALK about my money challenges.

Neurodivergent Folks Often Prefer This Way of Connecting

I work with many neurodivergent and highly sensitive women, and let me tell you — this kind of connection works for us.

We don’t always thrive in noisy mixers or drop-in groups full of surface-level small talk, it’s exhausting and often feels like we are pushing against our natural desire to go deep fast. We CAN do it, it just leaves us depleted and takes a lot of our spoons.

We like the slow burn of connection — repetitive, intentional interactions that help us decide if someone is safe, aligned, consistent.

And when we do connect around shared goals or mutual understanding?
We skip the water cooler and dive into the deep end.

So Yes — I Have Work Besties

I never imagined going online would grow my sense of community. But it did.

My work besties are a lifeline. A mirror. A brain trust. A nervous system regulation squad.

If you’re thinking about going online — whether as a therapist, coach, healer, or creative — I want you to know that isolation doesn’t have to be your fate.

With a little intention, you can build the community you need.
You can find your people.
You can create meaningful connection — even from your kitchen table in pajama pants.

One More Thing

If you’re sitting in your home office wondering if you’ll ever find your people, consider this your nudge.

✨ Start a conversation.
💛 Join that group.
🌱 Say hi to someone new at the next Zoom event.

Your future work bestie might be one message away.

Burnout in Highly Sensitive Women: Motherhood, Homeschooling, and Learning to Choose Less

Burnout often shows up differently in highly sensitive or neurodivergent women, especially during seasons like motherhood and homeschooling.

Burnout: My Journey to Less

Burnout is real (even when your life looks good on paper)

Burnout can show up differently in highly sensitive and neurodivergent women, especially during seasons of motherhood and when you have school aged children, especially if you decide to homeschool. What looked like anxiety or exhaustion in my life was actually a nervous system asking for a different pace, a different rhythm, and a different way of living. It took me years to realize that what I thought was anxiety or depression was actually burnout in a highly sensitive nervous system.

Burnout often looks different in highly sensitive or neurodivergent women. Instead of obvious collapse, it can look like constant exhaustion, frequent illness, feeling overwhelmed by everyday tasks, or wondering why everyone else seems able to handle more. Many women who later discover they are highly sensitive, ADHD, autistic, or AuDHD spend years believing they are simply “too much” or “not resilient enough,” when in reality their nervous systems are processing far more than most people realize

Why this matters: Burnout is real, and when you throw motherhood into the mix, it’s a whole new level of chaos. Let me take you on my journey through it. 😅

It all started after grad school, just after I’d bought a house and thought I was doing everything *right.* I went to my doctor, (who was used to seeing me every few weeks because I was constantly sick. I didn’t realize at the time my body was trying to tell me to rest, take it down a notch. I blamed it on a bad immune system and working with kids.) Anyway, there I was, sitting in my doctor’s office, tears streaming down my face. He asked, “What’s wrong?” and all I could say was, “I don’t know! Everything in my life is good—I just graduated, bought a house, life is great.” He looked at me, nodded, and reached for his prescription pad, saying,”You don’t have to feel this way, I can help.” Desperate, I nodded in agreement.

When Burnout looks like anxiety or depression

The meds helped… for a while. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t just depression, it wasn’t just anxiety. I didn’t know what it was at the time, I just knew that getting through the day was a task. I worked, and slept. 🙃 I had drained my energy reserves trying to juggle grad school, two jobs, and all the demands life threw at me. My plate was way too full, and I had no idea how to pace myself.

I mean, you’d think being a therapist, I’d understand burnout, right? But nope—I was too busy trying to be Do The Things… and wondering why I kept crashing into walls. It turns out that knowing all the theory doesn’t help when you’re busy ignoring the giant flashing “Warning: You’re Burning Out!” signs in your own life. 🤦‍♀️

Learning that Self-Care is more than bubble baths

Eventually, I did what any overwhelmed human would do—I started taking things off my plate. *Fast.* I learned to set boundaries and redefine self-care. And spoiler alert: self-care is way more than bubble baths and eating healthy. 🛁🌿 I needed real rest—more sleep, time to play, and moments to just *be.* I needed fewer commitments, fewer expectations, and more time outdoors.

Motherhood and the Return of Overwhelm

Gradually, I got better. And then… I became a mom. 👶 Just like that, the to-do lists multiplied overnight. The self-care strategies that had worked so well before? Out the window. Now, it was crying babies, endless time commitments, and the exhaustion of keeping a tiny humans alive while trying to survive myself. The overwhelm was back, and I had to adjust—again.

So, I shifted gears. Soulful art became finger painting in the bathtub. 🎨 My quiet time morphed from Enya and candles to cuddles and Baby Mozart. 🍼 Priorities changed. The clean house? Less important. Being present? The new goal. I found moments where I could sink my feet into the grass while keeping my toddlers contained. I adjusted, and it worked… for a while.

But as my kids grew, so did the commitments—extracurriculars, school, work deadlines. It was all *too much.* And in the midst of this chaos, I decided to open my own business. This may seem counter-intuitive but I was tired. My thought was if I am dumping all this time into someone else’s vision, why not do it for myself, my way. I needed more control, I needed to do things on my terms. This was a game-changer, giving me a chance to create a schedule that worked for me, to slow down the grind while still supporting my family.

Discovering I was a Highly Sensitive Person and why burnout suddenly made sense

Then, by chance, by happenstance, through synchronicty, I am not sure how I got there honestly, but I came across the term Highly Sensitive by Elaine Aron. Insert deep dive here, and I realized I was highly sensitive. Trying to keep up with “normies” (no offense, normies, I love you) was just not in the cards for me. I couldn't compare my schedule to others. I had to accept that I was wired differently, that my energy had limits, and that burning myself out trying to meet everyone else's expectations was never going to work. I needed to play by my own rules.

But burnout? It’s a sneaky beast. Some mornings, even getting out of bed felt impossible. Staying awake past my kids’ bedtime? Forget about it. I often fell asleep moments after tucking them in, sometimes even in their beds. If I tried pushing past and staying up late, my body reminded me to rest by getting sick and forcing me back to bed.

My self-care was pretty good. Monthly acupuncture, Check. Good sleep, Check. Eating healthy, Check. Leaning into others, still a struggle. Making sure I set boundaries, Check. However, the drowning feeling was still there. I was managing, but not living fully.

The Unexpected Nervous System Reset

Then came COVID. Our lives, like everyone else’s, turned upside down. The kids came home, and I shifted to doing virtual therapy. I closed my physical office—a space I had poured my heart into creating—and with a heavy heart, I re-evaluated *everything.* When the next school year came, I decided to homeschool. It started as a practical decision because of the pandemic, but it turned out to be an unexpected gift. 🌟

Gone were the daily battles over time, the morning rushes, the “GET YOUR SHOES ON NOW!” meltdowns. We traded those for schoolwork done in pajamas, laundry tossed in between clients, and well-rested kids who no longer had to face after-school homework wars.

For my family, the pandemic, despite all its hardships, actually reduced our stress. And as the world started to return to “normal,” I realized I didn't want to go back. I didn't want the chaos, the frantic pace, the burnout.

Choosing a Slower Life

So, we chose *less*. Not as some radical act of rebellion, but as a conscious choice for calm and sanity. In all that hustle, I hadn't even realized my boys were feeling burned out too. Most of our conflicts came from being bone-tired or being hungry and not being able to get food on the table fast enough. We were done with the fast-paced, on-demand lifestyle. We needed a slower rhythm, more time to recover. ❤️

Now, four years into homeschooling, we sleep more than most families. We have less structure. We have one or two activities, and social events are maybe once a week. Our house? Still not always clean. Often, we're home together but each in our own space, doing our own thing. Our time still includes cuddles on the couch, game nights, and things that are slower paced.

Like all moms, I worry whether I'm doing things right. Will my kids be stereotyped as "awkward homeschoolers"? Am I harming them by not making their childhood more demanding? Honestly, I don't have the answers to those questions yet. What I do know is that I've been able to preserve my sanity. I don't fight with my kids as much, and our time as a family is peaceful. Maybe I can send them into the world without their nervous systems being on fire, without starting adulthood already burned out. If that's the case, I'll take the awkwardness. 🙂

Many of the women I work with are highly sensitive, neurodivergent, creative, or homeschooling parents who have spent years trying to function at a pace that simply doesn’t fit their nervous system. Therapy can help you understand your wiring, reduce burnout, and build a life that supports your energy instead of constantly draining it.

By choosing less, I found more—more time, more peace, more connection. Maybe you can too! Sometimes, the best decision is the one that lets you just *breathe*.

If this story resonates with you it could be because…

• You’re a highly sensitive woman who feels overwhelmed by the pace of modern life
• You suspect you may be neurodivergent (ADHD, autistic, or AuDHD) but were never recognized growing up
• You’re a thoughtful, creative, or intuitive person who absorbs the emotions and needs of everyone around you
• You’re a homeschooling or alternative-education parent trying to create a calmer life for your family
• You’re capable, insightful, and responsible… but constantly exhausted

If you think you are ready to start therapy, schedule a free consult.

Questions Highly Sensitive and Neurodivergent Women Often Ask

Why do highly sensitive women burn out more easily?
Highly sensitive nervous systems process more emotional and sensory input, which can lead to faster exhaustion when life becomes overwhelming.

Can burnout look like anxiety or depression?
Yes. Burnout can show up as exhaustion, irritability, frequent illness, emotional overwhelm, or feeling like even simple tasks require enormous effort.

Can therapy help highly sensitive or neurodivergent women with burnout?
Therapy can help you understand how your nervous system works, develop boundaries that protect your energy, and create a life rhythm that supports rather than overwhelms you.

With love and healing,

Laura 💖

Buy The PreCut Watermelon: a lesson in burnout, energy and letting yourself choose easier

Why “Doing It the Hard Way” Isn’t Always Better

Like many highly sensitive, neurodivergent, or overwhelmed parents, I struggle with eating. Well, not really eating, I love eating. I struggle with meal prep, the cleaning…often before and after. The planning. I struggle with the rinse, wash, and repeat meals. I work from home and homeschool two boys, a teen and an almost teen…and well the reality is our refrigerator should have a revolving door on it.  As my kids have gotten older, meal prep has been easier, they can make their own food. However, it takes forever to train little humans, and often, while food has been prepared, the never-ending dishes are spread all over the counter. The sink has piled up, they have not quite learned the art of “clean as you go”.  Meal prep is on ongoing stressor. I know I am not alone; my family is not unique, this is the case for many families. For parents already balancing work, family, and mental load, these small daily demands can slowly add up to real burnout. So, what does this have to do with precut watermelon?

The Pre-Cut Watermelon Incident

Shortly after my second son was born, a family member had a get together at their home. It was a crab feast, which I was extremely excited about. Moving to Florida from the Northeast, getting blue crab from back home was a rare, albeit expensive experience. So, besides being taught that you bring something to contribute when there is a gathering, I wanted to show appreciation for the host. The morning of, with a newborn and 4-year-old in tow, we are excitedly on our way to devour some nostalgia. Although feeling stressed about already running late, I made my husband stop at the store, and get 2 packages of precut watermelon,  a couple bottles of my favorite wine and flowers for the host.

Now, why watermelon? Well, because as any person from the Northeast knows, it is THE FOOD that goes with a crab feast, along with ears of grilled corn and some sliced tomatoes. It just is. I had my husband get precut, because with a newborn that I was still breastfeeding, and a toddler, I knew I was already going to be overwhelmed. MY HANDS were going to be full, feeding the baby, chasing the toddler, doing those things that Moms do at gatherings.  On top of that, this was an extended family gathering, and while I love family gatherings, a large one like this, leaves me emotionally and physically drained. Getting the precut watermelon just seemed like one less thing to worry about.

When a Small Choice Becomes a Big Judgment

However, little did I know that getting precut watermelon was going to create a conflict. My husband and I brought in the watermelon, wine, and flowers, set them down in the kitchen, and went outside to give the family hugs and hellos.  Despite being late, we were one of the first of the local relatives to arrive. While I was outside taking care of the formalities, the host came in from outside, went into the kitchen and put the flowers in a vase.

Shortly after, I walk back into the house, and sit at the table. The host begins commenting, “OH, someone must be making a lot of money if they can buy precut watermelon.” Amid noticing a smell, and getting up to do a diaper check, I think…nope, not going there. Mind you, this is the same host that has spent a lot of money on having blue crab brought in from another state and the watermelon is sitting next to my favorite wine. So, the host KNOWS who brought the watermelon. No comment was made on the flowers that were now in the vase.

Another family member walks in, loaded with kids stuff, no party contributions, children in tow and attention is drawn to them. Grateful for the disruption, I begin to engage them.

Shortly after, the host begins commenting  again, “ Gosh, somebody makes a lot of money bringing in precut watermelon.”  Another family member arrives very late,  empty handed except for the ton of stuff she needed for her littles, babies in tow, crying…puts stuff down, goes “Oh, thank god, watermelon, grabs a piece for the crying child, hands it to them and then grabs a piece for herself.”  At this point I am thinking, did I miss the memo that we are not supposed to contribute? However,  I am thankful for having a large family to take some of the pressure off, thinking to myself surely this will be the end of it.

With a fresh diaper in place, I  begin to breastfeed my son on the couch. I am looking forward to that one glass of wine, after I feed him, because I know if I time it right, I won’t need to do a pump and dump. Who wants to waste their liquid gold?  This is when the host’s comment comes in for the third time, even louder- “SOMEBODY MUST BE MAKING A LOT OF MONEY IF THEY BOUGHT PRECUT WATERMELON.” A fourth family member walks in, grabs a piece of the watermelon, pops it his mouth and says “Wasn’t me, but it is good.”

It was never about the watermelon.

It Was Never About the Watermelon.

Frustrated, and realizing that ignoring the comments is futile, I respond… “I bought the precut watermelon, and it’s not about making a lot of money, it was about convenience with a toddler and a newborn and wanting to contribute.”  The host replies “Well, it’s too expensive and you should have bought a whole watermelon.”  I responded. “Okay, I just wanted to contribute, I know the cost of the crab was expensive and it was supposed to be a thank you.”  Things escalated from there, with the host chastising me about how I am always trying to show off that I make more money. Confused, and feeling attacked, I responded “It is watermelon.”  They responded, “Expensive watermelon.” I went on to try and explain, thinking if I explained, it would surely help. “Look, I wanted to contribute, but with the baby, I needed to do something easy and wanted watermelon to go with the crabs. I was not trying to show off.”  My explanation failed to do its job, and instead, things were getting even more heated.

Knowing this was not a rational battle, I knew it was best not to engage. However, I had conflicting emotions: my fiery, redhead, Irish,  Leo side not wanting to back down, and my protective mother side not wanting my babies to see or feel this tension. My protective mothering side won, and my husband and I chose to leave. We didn’t eat the crab, the corn, the tomatoes, or the precut watermelon. I didn’t get my glass of wine with the family. We stopped at a seafood place on the way home, it wasn’t blue crab, it didn’t have childhood nostalgia connected to it, but it didn’t have the bitter taste of resentment either.

The Guilt That Followed Me

Fast forward, two older children, working full time, overwhelmed by the day to day, I am stressed. Meal prep is still hard, food is still hard. Eating out is expensive, and I am trying to find balance. I still buy precut veggies and fruits if I know it is going to be a heavy week. However, my relatives voice kicks in, “THAT IS EXPENSIVE.” The guilt kicks in. My family does okay because we have two working adults and we budget, but we pick and choose where we want to spend money. We are middle class and life is expensive.

At this stage of my life, I am past babies. However, I am still stressed and overwhelmed. Trying to break familial patterns, self-care, build a business, work as a therapist, be a wife, raise kids, keep house and doing my best to eat healthy and feed others…it is all just too much. I began to see a therapist; this wasn’t my first therapy go around, so I jumped right in.  In exploring my relationships and stressors, the watermelon story comes up. My therapist helps me sort out some of the deeper meanings, the hidden messages, the underlying beliefs that came with the precut watermelon. It was never about the watermelon.  It was about what I had been taught to believe about effort, money, and self-care.

Therapy Helped Me See the Real Lesson

Therapy helps me begin to see the ways buying precut foods was a form of self-care. My therapist tells me a story she read about a woman who would not run the dishwasher when it was half-full because she was taught to run it only when full. She felt guilty when she ran it half full. The problem was, if she waited until it was full, the needed items were in the dishwasher. She could hand wash them, but often didn’t have the energy, and felt like she was wasting water.  Here the therapist said “Run the dishwasher half full.” And the woman understood, it was better to run the dishwasher half full than it is to struggle with lack of energy, guilt and dirty dishes. My therapist’s  lesson sinks in, (pun intended) and I begin to try incorporate releasing guilt of things that I was taught in my family, that may not be serving me now.

Buy the Pre-Cut Watermelon: A Lesson in Self-Care

Time has gone on; my tween and teen and I are visiting with some friends. My friend is talking about being vegan…and I am curious. I want to try it, but is it difficult? My friend says, “Oh I order these premade box foods, you should try it! Here is my referral code.”  I respond, “Isn’t that expensive?” She replies, “Maybe? I think it is about the same though. With everything being precut and portioned, and easy to make, I save time and I think I save money because I don’t avoid cooking, things don’t go bad in the fridge, and I eat out less because it isn’t hard to make. Actually, I may save money in the long run.  A light bulb went off. IT IS SELF CARE. Rehearing her words…it is cheaper in the long run because I don’t eat out as much and I am more likely to make the food. Eating healthy, while maintaining energy is self-care.

One thing I didn’t understand and wasn’t connecting was that the watermelon was about self-care. Getting it precut was about saving energy and time, especially at a point in my life where that was limited. The person who complained it was expensive, was not good at self-care. They could not understand my need to buy precut watermelon, because they had not grown to the point in their life where their own self-care was a priority. I had unintentionally taken to heart advice and criticism from someone who had not learned to prioritize their own self-care. I was looking for reinforcement from someone who could not understand why I would spend more money on something that seemed frivolous.  My expectations of them were unrealistic. My expectations of myself to get them to understand were unrealistic. One cannot give you something they do not understand and cannot give themselves. My friend who was great at self-care improved my understanding because she had given it to herself. She understood that it was a form of prioritizing her well-being.  

Today, I buy precut veggies. Sometimes they are a little more expensive, and I notice the passing guilt.  I buy the precut fruit, and remind myself, it is okay.  I buy the precut watermelon. It gets eaten. We eat out less. I saved money.   Buy the precut watermelon, I tell myself, it is self-care. Instead of guilt, it is a reminder that selfcare isn’t just the big things like massages, getting your nails done and vacations. Healthy self-care is taking every day micro actions that help save you time and energy.   Occasionally, I will still hear: “It’s expensive” and the voice of self-love whispers “Yeah, and you are worth it.”

If This Story Feels Familiar…

• You’re a highly sensitive woman who feels overwhelmed by daily responsibilities
• You’re thoughtful and responsible but constantly exhausted
• You struggle with guilt when choosing convenience
• You’re balancing parenting, work, and life while trying to care for yourself
• You’re learning that self-care sometimes means choosing easier options

Questions Highly Sensitive/Neurodivergent Women Often Ask About Burnout and Self-Care

Why do small tasks sometimes feel overwhelming?
For highly sensitive or neurodivergent people, everyday tasks can require more mental and emotional energy because their nervous systems process more information throughout the day.

Is convenience sometimes a form of self-care?
Yes. Choosing options that save time and energy can help prevent burnout and allow you to focus your energy on the things that matter most.

Why do I feel guilty choosing easier options?
Many people were raised with beliefs about productivity, responsibility, and money that make convenience feel indulgent. These beliefs don’t always support well-being in adulthood.

Can therapy help with burnout and overwhelm?
Therapy can help you understand your energy patterns, challenge old beliefs about productivity and self-care, and build a lifestyle that supports your nervous system.

Many of the women I work with are highly sensitive or neurodivergent and have spent years trying to meet expectations that don’t match their energy. Therapy can help you create a life that supports your nervous system instead of constantly overwhelming it.

#SelfCare #Parenting #HealthyEating #FamilyGatherings #StressManagement #Convenience #TimeSaving #EmotionalWellbeing #HealthyLifestyle #GuiltFree #TherapyInsights #BalancedLife #PrioritizeSelfCare

Covid-19 Anxiety-Trying to find the balance between More and Less

As a highly sensitive person and ambivert, my life has been a constant balance of trying to balance my desire to be conscientious and my need to have a lot of down time. Both great HSP qualities, but also ones that can cause stress. My pre-COVID-19 life felt stressed, anxious, and constantly on the go. While I recognize I had designed my life with less time commitments than most, the time commitments I did have, often left me exhausted and overwhelmed. I felt constantly “on the go”.

The time obligations that non-HSP’s make all the time can feel stressful, anxiety producing and overwhelming for those of us that are highly sensitive. For me, the time related deadlines of everyday life, like running the kids to the bus stop, getting to meetings on time, or having to be constantly aware of the family schedule…birthday parties, holiday cards, organizing house affairs, setting up house appointments: bug people, water people, home repairs, felt like balls that I was constantly dropping, watch as they roll down hill and splash into a pond…all while I am still trying to figure out if I should keep juggling or chase the ones I dropped.

In all fairness to my HSP side, some of this is probably because my family frequently ran late when I was a kid. We showed up late almost daily to school my entire childhood. The shame of walking in late, embarrassed with teacher comments of “Again” probably do not help with this issue. There is no one to blame for this, my young mother had 3, eventually 4 kids and although married, mostly functioned as a single parent, until she eventually became one.  With little help, I am surprised we only ran 15 minutes to a half hour late…I get it, especially as a mother in my adult years. However, running late has been a trigger my entire life, well not so much the running late, as the comments and judgements made when one is running late.  Somehow, running late generalized into not just late with places, but also those day to day commitments we all experience. GOD FORBID, I don’t get a card out in time. I beat myself up, and don’t bother sending it. I literally have Easter cards sitting here from two years ago…somewhere at least….

Image by @aronvisuals, running out of time

Then comes COVID-19. It forces me to take a step back and relax. My kids are no longer in school, the deadline then becomes moving from the bed to the couch and making sure they are online “on time”, if they can make it. If not, that is okay, you can watch the recording. When you show, even if you are not on time to a “Zoom” meeting, people are patient. Technical difficulties, internet issues, electronics acting up are all things we experience. Now, many of us working from home are juggling kids, animals, our jobs, and a multitude of other things that we have been juggling all along. However, suddenly, people are more patient. Pre COVID-19, if your kid popped into a meeting, it made the headlines. Now, your kid pops into a “zoom” meeting, it is kind of expected, people laugh and we move on. Here we are, all in the same storm, being more tolerant of what is happening in each other’s boat.

In some ways, COVID-19 has helped me be more patient with myself. In some ways if feels better. While I am having less physical interaction with the stay at home, I feel I am having more peaceful interactions. I am less stressed overall. Deadlines don’t feel so overwhelming. I am not in trauma reaction mode worried about getting places and doing things “right and on time.” I am still conscientious and working with ethics, but without the day to stresses and deadlines, I feel more relaxed. Without starting my day off with the bus time stress, the hustle and bustle of where I need to be, my world feels more relaxed. My time with others feels like more.

My state is in phase 2 of opening up. I am not ready yet. It’s not that I don’t want people to get back to work, I feel for my fellow people. I get the economic impact has been huge. It’s just, I AM NOT READY YET. I don’t want to go back to the hustle and bustle. I don’t want to start my morning off with deadlines and stress, balls being dropped and rolling down the hill. So there-in lies the problem,  I have not quite figured out how to have my kids go back to school, begin to see people in person, and not put myself back in that stress.  I know there are things that will need to shift, I just don’t know what that is yet. It is becoming clearer, but it is not there…and I am not ready yet. I don’t want to go back to the way things were. I  don’t know if I can, not without having a visceral reaction. So, I sit here and try to figure out my next steps.

I have this thing in my practice, where I try and look at the gifts of all negative events or traumas. For me, the gift of COVID-19 has been to see how life can be, if I slow it down and make some shifts. My fear of making those shifts is dissolving the longer I am spending time at home. I, like many other mothers, have needed more balance in my life for a long time, and maybe we have as a planet. I can’t go back to who I was before COVID-19…and I feel like I am saying this not just for myself, but for many. I feel like I have been a caterpillar crawling around, doing my thing. COVID-19 came and I created my cocoon,  started my change, my transformation. I am beginning to come out of it, but I am not quite through it yet. I will re-emerge, the same but different. More beautiful in many ways, seemingly more fragile in others. As I am pondering my emergence, I have not figured out what flowers I want to fly to first.  I am still needing time for my wings to dry and learn how to use them.

The Illusion of Control

5 Great Ways To Get Centered when you are feeling Anxious

All of us have experienced those times where we feel like our head is spinning. Sometimes it feels like nothing is going as planned and life is just testing you left and right. It’s important to keep yourself grounded in the midst of the chaos. I wanted to share with you today about how to get centered when you're feeling chaotic. There are five ways that I tell my clients that you can get quick, fast relief from a little bit of the stress. 

The first way to get some relief from chaos is to do some controlled breathing. It is often recommended breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth to help calm you down. Take a second to do it with me. So you're going to breathe in, hold it for as long as you can, and breathe out through your mouth and repeat this as many times as you need to. Another way to do this is to block off one nostril, breathe in through that nostril, switch to blocking off the other nostril, and then breathe out through that nostril. That's a quick strategy to get yourself centered. The alternate nostril breathing technique gets both sides of your brain talking and calms you down pretty quickly. 

The second thing you can do to get yourself centered is visualize. Visualize yourself in a calmer state of mind. Visualize not only when you're in the midst of chaos, but also while you're in a relaxed state. While you're in a relaxed state of mind, you can touch a part of your body and that will teach you that when you touch this spot, it will trick your brain into thinking you're calming down. There's an acupuncture point that I recommend using as your grounding point. You go straight up from your hand, on your wrist, there's a little divot there. If you squeeze that when you're not feeling calm you will trick your body into thinking that you're supposed to feel relaxation during that time. The other thing is to visualize a peaceful place, whatever that peaceful place is for you. For some people, it's the beach or a mountain stream. But take just about 15 seconds and visualize yourself there. It will help your body recognize that you are moving to become this.

The third thing you can do is let go and trust your higher power. Now not everyone believes in a higher power. And that's perfectly okay! If you do, or if you don’t, realizing things are out of your control is a way to bring some calm to your chaos. Sometimes when we're feeling chaotic, it's because of internal feelings. So reminding yourself that chaos is sometimes about things falling into place, not falling apart. When we clean out a closet, our closet is completely empty and our bedroom is chaos. But when we start putting stuff back together, we're actually cleaning some of the chaos is the beginning of putting things back together. So always remind yourself of that. 

Another strategy to seek calm throughout chaos is to get outside for just a few minutes. If you can sit in the grass for 15 minutes, studies show that your anxiety levels and your depression levels decrease. This is a great thing to do, especially if you have kids. Take them outside, sit in the grass, make sure your feet or your hands are touching the Earth. If you're sitting on concrete, it doesn't have the same effect. So get your body grounded, get outside, make sure that you're getting fresh air every day.

The fifth thing is if you have a pet, put your hands on them and pet them. Most pet owners know about the immediate joys that come with sharing their lives with companion animals. This actually helps calm you down and fills the basic human need for touch. Petting, hugging, or otherwise touching a loving animal can rapidly calm and soothe you when you’re stressed or anxious. It's a quick way to help you get calm by taking a few minutes and petting an animal. 

Those are the five quick strategies I tell my clients to help get grounded when things are feeling hectic. If there is more you'd like to know about, or if you want me to go into more details with a couple of these strategies, please leave let me know! That would be super helpful so I can give you guys more of what you're looking for. I can even do a meditation for you all if you think that's something you'd like. I look forward to talking to you!

Give yourself permission not to have to do it all now...

Create a peaceful environment, so that you can take care of yourself.