Why You Feel Everything More During Retrograde Season: A Guide for Empaths and Highly Sensitive Women
So let me tell you what I have been hearing a lot lately in my practice. Variations of this: "I do not know why I feel so heavy right now. I know nothing is actually wrong in my life. I know I should not feel this anxious or this sad. But here I am."
If that sounds familiar, let's talk about what might actually be going on.
What retrograde season actually does to a sensitive nervous system
First, a quick middle-ground explanation for those of you who are somewhat familiar with astrology but do not consider yourselves experts. A planet in retrograde is not actually moving backward. It is an optical illusion based on the relative movement of Earth and that planet in their orbits. But what astrology teaches, and what many of my clients experience viscerally, is that retrograde periods tend to bring a slowing down, an inward pull, and a stirring up of energy that was already present beneath the surface.
Part of the Woo-Fluent™ Series: When the planets shift, sensitive nervous systems feel it first. Here is what is actually happening and what to do about it.
Hi, I am Laura Zane, a licensed therapist and the creator of the Woo-Fluent™ framework at Sage Synergy Counseling and Wellness. I work with highly sensitive, neurodivergent, and empathic women throughout Florida who feel things deeply and are done pretending they do not. I am also someone who takes planetary energy seriously. Not as a replacement for clinical thinking, but as a real and valid layer of the human experience that most therapists will not talk about with you. I will.
Photo by: Am on Unsplash
So let me tell you what I have been hearing a lot lately in my practice. Variations of this: "I do not know why I feel so heavy right now. I know nothing is actually wrong in my life. I know I should not feel this anxious or this sad. But here I am." And that is something that comes up every single retrograde cycle, like clockwork. If that sounds familiar, let's talk about what might actually be going on.
What retrograde season actually does to a sensitive nervous system
First, a quick middle-ground explanation for those of you who are somewhat familiar with astrology but do not consider yourselves experts. A planet in retrograde is not actually moving backward. It is an optical illusion based on the relative movement of Earth and that planet in their orbits. But what astrology teaches, and what many of my clients experience viscerally, is that retrograde periods tend to bring a slowing down, an inward pull, and a stirring up of energy that was already present beneath the surface.
When multiple planets are in retrograde at the same time, that amplification compounds. For most people this might look like technology glitches, miscommunications, or a general sense of things feeling off. For empaths and highly sensitive people it can feel like a full nervous system overload. The emotional volume of everything gets turned way up.
"Just because you are feeling it does not mean it is yours. And just because the timing feels cosmic does not mean you are making it up."
Here is what I want you to understand clinically and cosmically. Your nervous system as a highly sensitive or empathic person is already processing more information than the average person. You absorb the emotional states of people around you. You pick up on the energy in a room before anyone has said a word. You feel the collective weight of what is happening in your community, your news feed, your environment. That is not metaphor. That is how your system works.
When retrograde energy amplifies the collective field, your already-sensitive system absorbs more of it. The sadness you are feeling may not be about your life at all. It may be the grief of your community, the anxiety of the people closest to you, or the energetic weight of something much larger than your personal circumstances. That is real. And it deserves to be taken seriously.
Your environment is part of your emotional landscape too
This is something I talk about with my Florida clients especially. We live in a state where environmental issues like red tide, algae blooms, and water quality concerns are not just news stories. They are felt. If you are a sensitive person who loves the water, who feels connected to the natural world, and who picks up on collective distress, local environmental suffering lands in your body differently than it does for others.
This is not weakness. This is your nervous system doing exactly what it is built to do. The challenge is learning to acknowledge what you are absorbing without drowning in it. Feeling the weight of the world is part of being wired the way you are. Carrying it as if it is all yours to fix is where it becomes unsustainable.
How to tell what is yours and what belongs to the collective
This is the most important practice I teach empaths and highly sensitive people, and retrograde season is when it matters most. Mindfulness gives us a way to pause, observe, and get curious about our experience rather than just being swept away by it.
The retrograde check-in practice
Pause before you personalize. When a heavy feeling arrives, especially one without a clear source, stop before you start writing a story about what it means about your life. Ask first: was I feeling this before I opened social media, before I talked to that person, before I read that news story?
Do a personal inventory. Is there something actually happening in my own life right now that would explain this feeling? If you genuinely cannot find the source in your own circumstances, the feeling may belong to the collective field, not to your personal story.
Ground yourself physically. Feel your feet on the floor. Put your hands on your belly. Take three slow breaths. Grounding brings you back into your own body and helps you separate your emotional baseline from what you have absorbed from outside yourself.
Limit your energetic intake. During heavy retrograde seasons, this is not the time to scroll endlessly, have the big hard conversations, or take on everyone else's problems. Protect your field intentionally. This is not avoidance. It is nervous system hygiene.
Do what is yours to do and release the rest. You do not have to fix the world. Figure out what is actually in your power, your small sphere of influence, and put your energy there. Sign the petition. Show up for the friend. Rest so you have something to give tomorrow. Then consciously release what is not yours to carry.
You are an analyzer by nature. Retrograde amplifies that too.
One of the hallmarks of being highly sensitive or neurodivergent is a tendency toward deep analysis. You do not just feel things, you think about why you feel them, what they mean, what you should do about them, and what it says about you that you feel them at all. During retrograde season this analytical loop can go into overdrive.
Mindfulness is not about stopping the analysis. It is about creating a little bit of space between the feeling and the story you are building around it. When you can observe your own process with some curiosity rather than getting completely consumed by it, you reclaim your ability to choose how to respond rather than just react.
That space is where your clarity lives. And it is accessible to you even when the planetary energy is heavy and the collective field is loud.
You cannot save the world. That is actually okay.
Empaths and highly sensitive people tend to feel responsible for everything. The suffering in the news. The struggling friend. The state of the waterways. The collective grief of an entire community during a difficult season. When you feel it all so deeply it is natural to want to fix it all.
But here is what I come back to with my clients again and again. Even the smallest action taken with intention creates a ripple effect. You do not have to carry all of it to matter. You just have to show up for the piece that is genuinely yours. Maybe that is signing a petition. Maybe it is making sure you get enough sleep so you have something to give the people who need you most. Maybe it is recognizing that right now your job is to take care of yourself, and that is enough.
The idea that start local and affect global is not a consolation prize. It is actually how change works. And it is how sustainable, sensitive people stay in the game long term rather than burning out completely by trying to hold everything at once.
Frequently asked questions
Is it really possible that planetary retrograde affects how I feel emotionally?
From a clinical perspective, I can tell you that collective energy is real. When large numbers of people are experiencing heightened anxiety, grief, or overwhelm simultaneously, that collective state ripples through social networks, media, and direct human contact in ways that affect all of us. For highly sensitive people and empaths who are already wired to absorb the emotional states of others, those collective shifts land harder and faster. Whether you attribute that to planetary influence, collective consciousness, or pure nervous system sensitivity, the experience is valid and the tools for managing it are the same.
Why does Mercury retrograde seem to hit me harder than other people?
Mercury retrograde is associated with communication, technology, and mental processing. For neurodivergent and highly sensitive people whose nervous systems are already working overtime to process information, a period that energetically amplifies those same areas can feel particularly destabilizing. You are not imagining it. Your system is just more finely tuned to those frequencies than the average person.
How do I protect my energy during heavy astrological seasons without becoming isolated?
The goal is not to disconnect from the world. It is to engage with it more intentionally. During heavy seasons that means being selective about what you consume and when, building in more grounding and recovery time than usual, choosing your social interactions with more care, and having a daily practice that brings you back to your own baseline. You can stay connected and protective at the same time. It just requires more intentionality than it does during easier seasons.
I identify as an intuitive or empath but I also have ADHD. Does that make retrograde season harder?
Often yes. ADHD nervous systems already struggle with emotional regulation, rejection sensitivity, and the ability to filter out what is not immediately relevant. Add the amplified collective energy of a retrograde period on top of a system that is already processing a lot, and the overwhelm can feel really significant. Working with a therapist who understands both the neurodivergent experience and the empathic or intuitive experience makes a real difference during these seasons.
Is it okay to take a break from the news and social media during retrograde?
Not only is it okay, for many highly sensitive and empathic people it is genuinely necessary. There is nothing spiritually or ethically wrong with protecting your nervous system during a heavy season. Staying informed does not require you to be continuously immersed in distressing content. You can care deeply about the world and still give yourself permission to step back and recharge. In fact for sensitive people, rest is often how you build the capacity to keep showing up.
How is what you do different from seeing a regular therapist?
I bring two decades of clinical training and licensure alongside a genuine, lived understanding of what it means to be highly sensitive, neurodivergent, and spiritually aware. I am not going to pathologize your intuitive gifts, dismiss your experience of collective energy, or ask you to leave your spiritual framework at the door. I call this being Woo-Fluent™. It means I speak both languages, clinical and cosmic, and I will not make you choose between them in our work together.
Ready to stop white-knuckling your way through every heavy season?
If you are a highly sensitive, neurodivergent, or empathic woman in Florida who is tired of feeling everything and not knowing what to do with it, I would love to work with you. Through online therapy we can build the grounding practices, energetic boundaries, and self-awareness that let you stay connected to the world without drowning in it. Bring a willing heart. I will bring the tea.
Does this resonate, but therapy is not what you are looking for right now?
There is an important distinction between therapy and spiritual coaching, and both are valid paths depending on where you are. If you are looking for spiritual guidance, empath support, or intuitive coaching rather than clinical mental health treatment, that work lives at Coaching for Empaths. Visit the link below to learn more about how we can work together outside the therapy room.
Sailing Smoothly: Carnival Cruise Lines and KultureCity Partner to Create Sensory-Friendly Vacations and 11 Tips for Sailing with Sensory Issues
As a therapist who specializes in working with Highly Sensitive People and neurodivergent individuals, and being a sensitive person myself, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Carnival Cruise Lines had made significant adjustments to address sensory sensitivities. It was heartening to see that they had implemented measures to accommodate passengers like me.
Recently, I embarked on my second cruise adventure with Carnival Cruise Lines and had a sensory-sensitive revelation that I just had to share. While I'm far from a cruise expert, I felt compelled to commend Carnival Cruise Lines for their remarkable partnership with KultureCity, transforming the cruise experience for travelers like me who have heightened sensory awareness.
My first cruise, a pre-Covid 3-day voyage to Cancun, Mexico, was undeniably enjoyable. It was just my husband and I, and not having to worry about food or kids…as well as meeting some friends, really made the cruise a vacation. However, as someone who tends to get overwhelmed by excessive stimulation, spending three days amidst a bustling cruise ship presented it’s challenges. Navigating through the mid-deck to reach food became a sensory journey of its own: music blaring, casino bells chiming, the scent of smoke wafting through the air, abrupt temperature shifts as I moved from indoor to outdoor areas, and the constant shift in lighting conditions. Not to mention, the sheer number of fellow passengers made it feel overwhelming. To avoid the crowd, I often resorted to traversing the lower decks, even though it meant a longer route. Our cabin, though a welcome retreat, was positioned in a high-traffic hallway, making uninterrupted sleep a rare luxury for this light sleeper.
So, when my husband proposed a second cruise as a special gift for my 50th birthday, my initial reaction was mixed. On one hand, the prospect of not having to worry about cooking and cleanup for a week was enticing. (Have I mentioned how much I hate cooking, well not actually cooking, it’s the clean-up) On the other hand, I wondered if I would once again be engulfed in sensory overload. This time, however, I came prepared. I packed my Loop earplugs (see my unboxing video here) and my trusty essential oils. I also brought a fan to help with temperature control. Excitement and apprehension warred within me as I contemplated five days on the cruise ship, sharing a cabin with our teenagers. Would I endure sensory overwhelm, potentially ruining our vacation?
As a therapist who specializes in working with Highly Sensitive People and neurodivergent individuals, and being a sensitive person myself, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Carnival Cruise Lines had made significant adjustments to address issues for those of us prone to sensory sensitivities. It was heartening to see that they had implemented measures to accommodate passengers like me.
So, what exactly does being Sensory Certified entail? It means that Carnival now has customer-facing staff trained to understand the unique needs of individuals with various sensory challenges, including Down Syndrome, Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and more. Carnival, in collaboration with KultureCity, introduced VIP Lanyards that staff could use to easily identify passengers who might require additional support. One of the highlights of our cruise was the silent disco night held on the mid-deck, which attracted a substantial crowd. In addition, the nightclubs now featured closed doors to minimize disruptions to those passing by. A welcome change from my initial cruise with Carnival.
First, the lines for food were noticeably shorter, reducing the sensory stress of waiting in crowded spaces. Second, their updated HUB app allowed guests to make reservations at their assigned restaurant, receiving a convenient text notification when their table was ready. This allowed for us to hang out in quieter spaces while waiting. However, the most remarkable change was Carnival's introduction of sensory kits that could be borrowed during the cruise. To my immense joy and that of my sensory-sensitive family, Carnival had forged a partnership with the non-profit organization, "KultureCity," becoming the first Sensory Certified cruise line in the process..
For me, these thoughtful changes made my cruise an absolute delight. Carnival Cruise Lines' commitment to inclusivity and their partnership with KultureCity have transformed the cruise experience for individuals like me, turning what could have been a sensory overload into a genuinely enjoyable vacation. Whether you're a seasoned cruiser or considering your first voyage, Carnival's dedication to creating a sensory-friendly environment deserves recognition and applause.
In a twist of fate, our initially planned 5-day cruise turned into a memorable 7-day journey as we found ourselves tailing a hurricane, which resulted in the closure of our intended ports of call. During these unforeseen extra days at sea, Carnival Cruise Lines truly shone in their commitment to ensuring the well-being and satisfaction of their guests. The crew, with a special shout out to Todd (T-O- double “D”) for sharing his positive energy, went above and beyond to keep everyone informed about the situation, making regular announcements and providing updates on the evolving weather conditions. Despite the unexpected extension of our voyage, Carnival continued to offer top-notch service and entertainment, maintaining the high standards they are known for. It was a testament to their dedication that, even in the face of an unforeseen challenge, they managed to turn it into an adventure, and our extended cruise became a treasured memory.
Now, for those who may embark on a cruise with sensory sensitivities like mine, here are some valuable tips to enhance your experience:
Your 11 Tips to To Cruising with Sensory Issues
1. **Travel with Headphones/Earplugs:** Always carry noise-canceling headphones or earplugs to create your personal oasis amidst the ship's vibrant atmosphere.
2. **Choose a Quieter Room Location:** Opt for staterooms located toward the front or back of the ship to minimize exposure to constant foot traffic and public spaces.
3. **Select Rooms Below Inactive Decks:** Avoid rooms beneath active decks or venues to reduce disturbances from overhead activities.
4. **Be Cautious of Casino Proximity:** Stay away from rooms near the casino if you're sensitive to cigarette smoke to avoid unpleasant odors.
5. **Bring a Portable Fan:** Portable fans offer white noise and temperature control, creating a comfortable and peaceful environment.
6. **Consider Inside Cabins for Sleep:** Inside cabins may lack views but are often quieter and ideal for restful sleep.
7. **Request a Sensory Kit Early:** Contact guest services early in your cruise to request a sensory kit for managing sensitivities.
8. **Make Restaurant Reservations Online:** Use the cruise line's app or platform to reserve tables and avoid long waits in crowded dining areas.
9. **Discover Quiet Spots:** Explore the ship to find serene, secluded areas that resonate with you for moments of relaxation.
10. **Pack Sunglasses:** Sunglasses reduce glare and enhance outdoor comfort, shielding your eyes from bright sunlight.
11. **Adjust Your Schedule:** Plan activities during off-peak hours to avoid crowds and enjoy popular attractions with fewer people around.
For more information about Carnival Cruise Lines' Sensory Certification, you can visit their official website here. To learn more about KultureCity's partnership with Carnival, please visit their website here.
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The Women I Know
The women I know are drowning in the overwhelm of to do lists, work, child care, home management and adapting to the ever-changing needs of the pandemic. We are just able to get it together long enough to come up for a breath of air, before the next wave of the unknown hits pulls us back under.
I just read a meme that said something to the effect of women want to be recognized for all the things they do, and then listed all the things that women do. While I get the intention behind it, and women do want their partners to understand all that they do, the women I know are not looking for recognition from our counterparts. Recognition seems patronizing when you are drowning in the mental load ocean, the wave of each new task that pops up pulling you into the undertow of daily life. The women I know are drowning in the overwhelm of to do lists, work, child care, home management and adapting to the ever-changing needs of the pandemic. We are just able to get it together long enough to come up for a breath of air, before the next wave of the unknown hits pulls us back under.
image of woman Drowning by @blakecheekk, signifying women drowning in their Mental Load
The women I know are not physically alone, but they feel emotionally in it alone. I hear it frequently. “My partner is a great partner, they change diapers, do laundry, cook, help around the house. However, it is the mental load we don’t share.” The women I know say “I have to tell them what needs to be done, what needs to happen, it is as almost as exhausting as having to do it myself.” The women I know are so tired of keeping up mentally with everything that they have to-do lists, on top of to-do lists, on top of to-do lists. They keep organized on their phones, their planners, their shared calendars. They star and flag emails and have google and Alexa tell them what to-do next lists. They carry the weight of the family doctor’s appointments, children’s activities, bill due dates, car maintenance, home maintenance, and any emergencies that come up whether it be in the home, with the kids or at work and sometimes aging parents and in-laws. The women I know are so capable that their partners think they have it all under control, and they don’t need to help. The women I know have asked for help, for their partners to take over the mental load, and the response is often “Just tell me what to do, I got you.” However, it isn’t a just tell me what to do situation. It is a major rehaul in the way that we are doing relationships that needs to happen.
According to the US Census Bureau:
At the onset of the pandemic, the share of mothers actively working decreased more than fathers. Mothers declined 21.1 percentage points while the share of fathers dropped 14.7 points in April 2020 compared to the previous month and to the same month the previous year.
The two most cited reasons are:
· Mothers are more likely to work in service and other jobs heavily impacted by pandemic closures.
· Mothers carry a heavier burden, on average, of unpaid domestic household chores and child care, which, during a pandemic that draws everyone into the home, disrupts parents’ ability to actively work for pay
In other words, women, mothers specifically are carrying a good portion of the care needing to be done for others and themselves. Therefore, the women I know are overwhelmed and drowning in to-do lists. It isn’t because their relationships started out this way, in fact, they often started out being pretty equal. However, when things got added, it was often it was just added to the woman’s to do list. It isn’t because women are not asking for help, it is because they are trying to do three to four full time jobs, when realistically they can handle maybe two full-time jobs effectively. These women are tired of delegating, because let’s face it, delegating itself is a job…that’s why most major companies have project managers.
So, what is the solution? In my mind, it is that couples need to start divvying things in a different way. Instead of women being project managers, relationships need to be ran more like businesses. Each partner needs to be responsible for a particular department, and while those departments may need to be interdependent on each other, one department does not need to tell the other department what to do to function. Each relationship may divide departments up differently depending on the strengths of the partners, but it needs to be negotiated, talked about, and decided as early in the relationship as possible. If not, to often the women I know are just adding more to their plate, without ever having anything ever taken off, and their partners, are keeping a consistent load to what they had prior to kids. In a business structure, as our business grows, we will often bring on more help, and it is easier to do so, because hopefully as our business grows, we are making more money. However, in a family structure, as our family grows, we may often take a financial hit. Therefore, it often goes to the person who will take it on, without discussion and too often that is the woman in the relationship, regardless of other responsibilities.
image by @nextfnlevel, woman holding baby on beach taking care of baby
In my humble opinion, this is a contributing factor as to why so many relationships head toward divorce. Women overwhelmed, tired and unable to take anymore are at their breaking points. They either decide that they can’t take anymore, or their partners decide that they are not the fun engaging person they used to be…they are now miserable drowning under all those to do lists, and the day to day becomes unbearable. So, they split. Here is the thing, upon splitting, the women I know, who have married responsible partners, suddenly get a rebalance. Their partners then become responsible for their own lives…their own doctor’s appointments, their own finances, their own car maintenance, and the kids half the time. The women are responsible for themselves and their children when their partners don’t have the kids. They have renegotiated the terms of their agreement and it feels freeing. It is disheartening at best. It is eroding away our concept of family at worst. Instead, I would like to see where couples don’t have to get divorced to renegotiate the defaulted responsibilities. Instead, I would like to see partners who are seeing their wives drowning to say “Hey, we have an unequal balance here, how can restructure so that the departments are more balanced?” I would like to see that it isn’t assumed that the woman can take on more, or that because she is capable, she can handle one more thing. I would like to see capable women not being given more because they are capable. I would like to see couples begin being taught how to have conversations that negotiate responsibilities in healthy ways. I would like to see to-do lists broken down by department and shared by family members. Each family member taking on responsibilities appropriate to their age and capability.
The women I know don’t need to be recognized. The women I know need to be encouraged to negotiate their roles and be supported when they do. The women I know need to have a few of their to-do lists re-distributed and they need time for themselves. The women I know want their partnerships to work, want to raise great kids, want to work, want to have decent homes and vehicles, they just don’t want to drown doing it. All I am saying is that women are needing a high five while their drowning, they want partners that help them paddle.
Vulnerability in the Counseling setting
I want to talk with you about what it is like to be vulnerable when you come into a counselor's office. A lot of people when they come in for the first time, may have not even sought out help before, or may have been struggling seeing someone but they weren't the right fit. A lot of times they have experienced that pain of rejection by other people as well. So coming in and talking to someone about your deepest secrets can often be difficult.
So how is a counselor different from just having a friend? A counselor is capable of looking at things from a non-harsh point and can help you see things from a clearer vision. It is often difficult to be vulnerable with that person because they are essentially a total stranger. The good news is that most counselors have sat on that side of the couch as well and should be able to help you talk about stuff that is extremely difficult and maybe even painful.
Now, does this come easily and quickly? Sometimes it doesn't, and that is not unusual. I have worked with clients for a long time and they will still say "I was afraid to share that with you because I was afraid that you might judge me or make a mean comment about it." The thing about a really good counselor is they are not there to judge you. They are there to help you resolve whatever issues might be happening. The vulnerability piece is definitely difficult but our job is to help you figure out what the pain is that you're experiencing and then help you work through the pain
It is not unusual for people to hang on to things like sexual abuse for a long time and when you approach that subject a client may pull back and say "I’m not ready to deal with that." If you are that patient that is not ready to deal with it, your counselor should give you the space and say "okay we're not going to deal with that right now but we'll come back to it.”
Vulnerability is tough for most people but when you're going into a counselor, don't think that they expect you to give all of your deepest darkest secrets immediately. We are also human beings and we recognize that some things are just too painful to share. However, we also know that if you share it we can work on the healing process. When you get to the other side, you are going to feel a lot better.
Now, knowing a little about the healing process, it is often relieving when you first start sharing your information. If you think about the therapy process as being in a tunnel, when you first go in you might see a little bit of light, but the further you go in the tunnel the darker it may get. Sometimes it gets darker before you see the light again, so expect that when going into the therapy process. Your counselor is there to be with you every step of the way as you're going through that process and opening yourself up.
As a therapist, I know it's hard and I understand how difficult vulnerability can be, however I also know that if you work through the process, there is so much healing on the other end.
My suggestion to you would be to find a therapist that you really trust, and open up to them because they are here to help you heal. I hope this helps! If you've been having some doubts about whether or not you can share something with your therapist and if you have been holding things in, please reach out to them. They are there for you!
If you would like to work with me, visit the “New Patient Registration” link to get started!
Hey Empaths 3 Reasons Why I want you to be The Bad Guy today
Empaths have a really hard time saying no. Empaths put ourselves in other people's positions and give too much of our time to others, sometimes to the wrong people.
My challenge to you for this week is I really want you to work on being the bad guy. I want you to work on feeling uncomfortable. I know that might seem counterintuitive, but the reason I want you to work on feeling uncomfortable is because often we can't say no to boundaries. Boundaries are hard for us. If we're empaths, we have a really hard time when we say no, because we can feel the other person's disappointment. Those emotions can be confusing to us. They can make it difficult, because on one hand we want to be able to say no, but on the other hand, we feel the other person's disappointment and pain. So a lot of times we'll say yes, even when it's not in our best interest.
Allow it to be okay for you to not feel like you are the hero or the savior or the person that somebody can rely on. It's hard for us to disappoint others. When you're able to say no to people, then you are able to really begin to discern what you want to say yes to and what you don't want to say yes to. Nobody likes being told no. So when you are the bad guy to tell somebody, no, it often upsets them. Don't worry about it. They will get over it. They may not like it, but they will. So give yourself permission.
Often when we're an empathic person that people come to when they really want help or need help, sometimes these may be people that we don't even know. We can be standing in the middle of Target and someone will just come up and start talking to us. So being able to say no and be the bad guy is a part of good self care.
We are capable of jumping in and fixing things. The problem with that is that we are circumventing the person from having their own healthy learning experiences. I often use the example that if we try to prevent our babies from ever falling or bumping their head or skimming their knee, we are actually preventing them from learning. When they fall and bump their head, they experience pain. It allows them to get back up and figure out how to adjust to avoid the pain. Well, emotions can sometimes be like that too. As empaths, we often want to save people from those emotions because we feel pain so deeply. But when we help them avoid their pain, we're actually disabling them from not being able to have their own experiences. I want you to think about that when you're attempting to save other people from their pain. You're actually disabling them, you're not doing them a service.
By taking care of ourselves, we're ultimately able to pick and choose who we want to give our time and energy to. If we're giving it to everybody, we don't have enough time, energy, and emotional resources to give to the people that we really want to focus our energy on. Sometimes that becomes those closest to us. Sometimes that becomes ourselves and things that we need to do for ourselves are all in self care.
Now for me, sometimes I tend to be an emotional reactor. I will often say yes without thinking about it. My first tip is give yourself a minute to think about it. If a minute, isn't long enough, then ask for some time. Sometimes we need time to think about things, we need time to process. The other tip I have for you is to write notes for yourself. Give yourself pointers as to why you're going to say no. You may never need those pointers, but it helps you stay focused when you're talking to the other person. The third tip that I have for you is to trust your gut instinct. You are an empath and you will know if you really take a minute to feel about it. You are going to know whether or not it's the right thing to do and to say. Learning to trust your gut instinct on things is really helpful.
Anyway, those are my tips for this week. I hope to talk to you guys again soon. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to message me!
5 Great Ways To Get Centered when you are feeling Anxious
It’s important to keep yourself grounded in the midst of the chaos. I wanted to share with you today about how to get centered when you're feeling chaotic.
All of us have experienced those times where we feel like our head is spinning. Sometimes it feels like nothing is going as planned and life is just testing you left and right. It’s important to keep yourself grounded in the midst of the chaos. I wanted to share with you today about how to get centered when you're feeling chaotic. There are five ways that I tell my clients that you can get quick, fast relief from a little bit of the stress.
The first way to get some relief from chaos is to do some controlled breathing. It is often recommended breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth to help calm you down. Take a second to do it with me. So you're going to breathe in, hold it for as long as you can, and breathe out through your mouth and repeat this as many times as you need to. Another way to do this is to block off one nostril, breathe in through that nostril, switch to blocking off the other nostril, and then breathe out through that nostril. That's a quick strategy to get yourself centered. The alternate nostril breathing technique gets both sides of your brain talking and calms you down pretty quickly.
The second thing you can do to get yourself centered is visualize. Visualize yourself in a calmer state of mind. Visualize not only when you're in the midst of chaos, but also while you're in a relaxed state. While you're in a relaxed state of mind, you can touch a part of your body and that will teach you that when you touch this spot, it will trick your brain into thinking you're calming down. There's an acupuncture point that I recommend using as your grounding point. You go straight up from your hand, on your wrist, there's a little divot there. If you squeeze that when you're not feeling calm you will trick your body into thinking that you're supposed to feel relaxation during that time. The other thing is to visualize a peaceful place, whatever that peaceful place is for you. For some people, it's the beach or a mountain stream. But take just about 15 seconds and visualize yourself there. It will help your body recognize that you are moving to become this.
The third thing you can do is let go and trust your higher power. Now not everyone believes in a higher power. And that's perfectly okay! If you do, or if you don’t, realizing things are out of your control is a way to bring some calm to your chaos. Sometimes when we're feeling chaotic, it's because of internal feelings. So reminding yourself that chaos is sometimes about things falling into place, not falling apart. When we clean out a closet, our closet is completely empty and our bedroom is chaos. But when we start putting stuff back together, we're actually cleaning some of the chaos is the beginning of putting things back together. So always remind yourself of that.
Another strategy to seek calm throughout chaos is to get outside for just a few minutes. If you can sit in the grass for 15 minutes, studies show that your anxiety levels and your depression levels decrease. This is a great thing to do, especially if you have kids. Take them outside, sit in the grass, make sure your feet or your hands are touching the Earth. If you're sitting on concrete, it doesn't have the same effect. So get your body grounded, get outside, make sure that you're getting fresh air every day.
The fifth thing is if you have a pet, put your hands on them and pet them. Most pet owners know about the immediate joys that come with sharing their lives with companion animals. This actually helps calm you down and fills the basic human need for touch. Petting, hugging, or otherwise touching a loving animal can rapidly calm and soothe you when you’re stressed or anxious. It's a quick way to help you get calm by taking a few minutes and petting an animal.
Those are the five quick strategies I tell my clients to help get grounded when things are feeling hectic. If there is more you'd like to know about, or if you want me to go into more details with a couple of these strategies, please leave let me know! That would be super helpful so I can give you guys more of what you're looking for. I can even do a meditation for you all if you think that's something you'd like. I look forward to talking to you!
It's not Personal, I just don't want to hang out with you.
This is going to sound awful. The thing it, it is not personal, I just don’t want to hang out with you. I really don’t like people. I mean, I like them well enough. I love working with people, I love my career. I love being a Mom, a wife, and a friend. I love giving to others. It’s just, I am an introvert and an extrovert. I fall right on the line, in between the two on all of those personality scales they make you take in school. So, the thing is, that after spending the day with people, giving presence and support, at night, I don’t necessarily want to hang out. Most evenings, I just want to sit home, give time to my kids and husband, veg, play on facebook, read, do lone tasks that allow me to nurture my introvert side.
Occasionally, it makes me feel like a bad friend. At times, I have had people get mad at me because they don’t feel like I am present enough for them. They deserve that. Everyone deserves friends that are involved and available. You deserve someone that can be fully present, that can listen to your concerns. You deserve a friend that will spend hours with you on the phone. You deserve someone that can really help you problem solve. The thing is, I am not necessarily the person that will be able to meet those expectations. If I have worked all day, or had a particularly hard week, I can’t be that emotional support for you. I can’t hang out and listen to your problems. I can’t encourage you, or be your cheerleader. I can’t because I am having to focus that energy on being present for myself…I have used all my energy for that day. I can’t choose you over me. Please know though, it is not really about you, it is my need to recharge and revive. I care deeply about you. I am setting boundaries with you, so that I can care for me. It is hard for me to set these boundaries, it is hard for me to say “No.” However, I have learned that sometimes, in the line of work I have chosen, I have to go inward. I have to check out. I have to be self centered. I have to self care, or ultimately, I can not do what I do.
Please know, that if I can, I will give. If I can do it without draining myself, I will. When we do hang out though, I want to be fully present. I want t both enjoy you and be enjoyable. I want to listen, laugh, and spend time with the people I care about in ways that are meaningful. I want to actually be there for you. So if that means that to be present, I have to hang out less, and exchange quality for quantity, I am willing to do so. Just know, if I say no, I can’t hang out, it’s not personal. I am just keeping a promise to myself to self care. My hope will be that you will do the same. I will expect you to not want to hang out, need to self care and I will appreciate the time we have. I will not take it personal.
Love and Healing,
Laura
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Talking About Sex with Your Kids
So a few weekends ago, my friend and I took the kids to the Museum of Science and Industry. Now, I am all about educating children about their body parts, so I was super excited about the human body exhibit. Seeing teen parents first hand, I am all about having your children know what sex is, long before they are contemplating having it. I was a sexual abuse counselor for a lot of years, so it is important to me that my kids know the proper name of genitalia.I know education is one of the best ways to help prevent sexual abuse. Give kids the proper name…a penis is not a ding dong, a weiner, a one eyed snake, it is a penis…empower your kids, give them the tools to be able to tell if someone touches them inappropriately. The best age to teach kids the name of their sex organs is the same time you teach them the name of their head, shoulders, knees and toes….make a couple of extra stops and teach breast, buttocks, penis, vulva and vagina.
The museum had a whole display on the developing fetus (awesome!)…the questions of how does the baby get in there were answered and discussed when I was pregnant with my second. We read the books when he was four and five about how the sperm and the ovum come together, and a baby is conceived. At age six, my son asked me a burning question “How does the sperm get in there Mom?” My son “really needed to know”, like it was this universal puzzle and he just could not figure it out. So, true to form and in alignment with my belief that knowledge is power, we had the sex conversation at six. He was informed that each child develops at their own pace, and that it is not his job to educate his peers, their parents needed to this. Amazingly, he followed this request.
The next display at the museum was on the developing body. Since I have boys, and one is nine, puberty is not far off, we focused on the male body…how the scrotum drops, the penis extends, they get hair under their pits and in their pelvic area. I am standing there thinking “okay this is good…a natural way to bring up the conversation, I want him to be prepared.” (This is that part of the story, where you feel like a good parent….) A girl came by, all the boys ran in a circle away from the video, and then came running back to gather the needed education. In proud Momma form, I stood by to answer questions, but allowed them to discover.
As my son and his friend ran ahead, while I helped my younger one with another exhibit, I could see them watching a video. I sat down just in time to catch the tail end of the show. Thank goodness, I did. It gave me just enough to to gather my wits.
Now, I thought I was prepared. I thought okay, sex conversations are just touch ups from here on out. He has the basics, so around age twelve, we can start having he conversations about condoms and birth control. However, I was not quite prepared for this trip to the museum. You see, my kids learned more science than industry. The barrage of questions started:
Mom, what is an STD? A sexually transmitted disease.
How can you get them? by having sex.
Does everyone get them? not everyone, but everyone can get them.
Can you get rid of them? some you can, others you cant. There are different levels. Explained the levels and types.
Do they hurt? some do. Some you don’t know you have.
Can they kill you? some can.
What is the best way to not get them? by not having sex, but you can prevent them by taking care of your body, and making sure you and your mate are clean when you decide to mate
Do You have an STD? (WHAT In The WORLD!) Well my love, that is a question you ask your mate, and since you and I are not going to mate, that is not a question you need the answer too.
For days the questions came, just as they had when he first learned about sex, and he “had to know, how does the sperm get in there.” I answered each question, just as I had then, in a honest, matter of fact tone…the boring tone that gave facts, not judgement. I answered the questions because he asked, and if kids ask, they are ready for the answers. Too often, as parents, we think we know when the right time will be, but with sex talk, it is about letting your child take the lead. Allow the conversations to come up, answer honestly right from the start. Sex is a natural part of life, and when you treat it as such, your kids feel safe. It is hard to have these conversations, it is. I just believe, that if they can have these conversations with you, then they can have them with their future partner/s and not be embarrassed.
At the end of the week, my son said to me “Mom, you know, I think I am going to wait until I am thirty to have sex, it is just too dangerous.” With my Momma pride about to burst, I thought: I hope you make safe choices son, I hope you do.
Love and Healing,
Laura
For more information on educating your kids about sex:
RAINN/Protecting Your child from Sexual Assault
Is what you are actually feeling yours? A Guide for Empaths in Florida
Empaths absorb the world around them. That is not a metaphor.
If you identify as an empath, a highly sensitive person, or a neurodivergent woman who feels things deeply, you already know that you experience the emotional world differently than most people. You walk into a room and immediately sense the energy. You scroll through social media and feel the weight of what you read long after you put your phone down. You sit across from someone who is struggling and find yourself struggling too, even if you had been perfectly fine five minutes before.
This is not your imagination. This is how your nervous system works
Prefer to watch? The video above covers the highlights. Keep reading for the full guide including grounding techniques and FAQs.
Just because you are feeling it does not mean it belongs to you. Here is how to tell the difference and give back what was never yours to carry.
Hi, I'm Laura Zane, a holistic online therapist serving highly sensitive, neurodivergent, and empathic women throughout Florida. One of the questions I get asked most often, and one that has come up repeatedly with clients week after week, is some version of this: "I don't know why I feel so sad right now. Nothing is actually wrong in my life." If that sounds familiar, this post is for you.
Because here is something that most people, and even most therapists, do not talk about enough. Just because you are feeling something does not mean it is yours
Empaths absorb the world around them. That is not a metaphor.
If you identify as an empath, a highly sensitive person, or a neurodivergent woman who feels things deeply, you already know that you experience the emotional world differently than most people. You walk into a room and immediately sense the energy. You scroll through social media and feel the weight of what you read long after you put your phone down. You sit across from someone who is struggling and find yourself struggling too, even if you had been perfectly fine five minutes before.
This is not your imagination. This is how your nervous system works. Empaths and HSPs have a heightened ability to absorb and process the emotional energy of the people and environments around them. It is one of your greatest gifts. It is also, when unmanaged, one of your greatest sources of confusion and exhaustion.
"Just because you are feeling it does not necessarily mean it is yours to own."
When you are feeling sadness, anxiety, or anger and you cannot trace it back to anything specific in your own life, it is worth pausing and asking a different question. Not "why am I feeling this" but "whose is this?"
The world around you amplifies everything you feel
There are times when the collective energy around us is especially heavy. Local environmental issues, news cycles, social media, the people in our immediate circle, and even broader energetic shifts can all land in the body of a sensitive person like a wave they never saw coming. When the world is stirred up, empaths feel it first and feel it most.
For those of us who are sensitive, this kind of amplified energy does not always announce itself clearly. Instead it shows up as a vague depression that seems to come from nowhere. A low-grade anxiety that does not have a clear source. A heaviness that makes you feel like you cannot do anything, even though nothing has actually gone wrong in your personal world. Sound familiar?
This is especially true when there is environmental distress in your area, collective grief or fear in your community, or when you have been spending time with people who are carrying a lot. Your system picks it all up. And if you are not paying attention, you will start to believe that what you are absorbing is actually yours.
How to tell if what you are feeling belongs to you
This is the most important skill an empath can develop. Mindfulness gives us a way to step back from our feelings and observe them rather than simply be swept away by them. From that grounded place, you can start to ask some real questions.
Pause and notice. When a feeling arrives, especially one that feels sudden or out of place, stop for a moment. Take a breath. Do not immediately try to explain or fix it. Just notice it is there.
Ask: was I feeling this before? Think back to before you entered the room, had the conversation, opened social media, or watched the news. Were you already feeling this way? Or did it arrive with something external?
Check the source. Is there something happening in your own life right now that would explain this feeling? If the answer is no, that is important information. The feeling may belong to someone or something outside of you.
Give it back. This is not about being cold or uncaring. It is about energetic boundaries. You can acknowledge someone's pain, offer compassion, and still consciously choose not to carry it as your own. Visualize handing it back, gently and with love.
Ground yourself. Feel your feet on the floor. Take three slow breaths. Notice five things you can see around you. Grounding brings you back into your own body and your own emotional baseline, where you can get a clear read on what is actually yours.
You cannot fix the whole world. And that is okay.
One of the most painful patterns I see in highly sensitive and empathic women is the weight of feeling responsible for everything. The suffering in the news. The friend who is struggling. The state of the environment. The collective grief of an entire community. Empaths want to fix it all, and when they cannot, the guilt and helplessness can feel crushing.
Here is what I want you to hear. You do not have to take on the world to make a difference. What you can do is identify what is actually yours to work with and focus your energy there. Maybe that looks like signing a petition. Maybe it means showing up for one person who needs you. Maybe, and this is just as valid, it means recognizing that right now your energy is needed for your own family, your own healing, your own rest. That is not giving up. That is wisdom.
Even the smallest action, taken with intention, creates a ripple effect. You do not have to carry all of it to matter. You just have to show up for the piece that is genuinely yours.
Self care is not optional for empaths. It is essential.
When the world feels heavy and you are absorbing more than usual, self care becomes less of a nice idea and more of a non-negotiable. Sleep, boundaries, time in nature, quiet, and mindful practices like grounding and meditation are not luxuries for highly sensitive people. They are the infrastructure that keeps your nervous system functioning.
When you are well rested, boundaried, and grounded, you are actually better equipped to show up for the people and causes you care about. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is how you sustain your capacity to give.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I am an empath or just a highly sensitive person?
These two things often overlap significantly. A highly sensitive person (HSP) has a nervous system that processes sensory and emotional information more deeply than others. An empath tends to go a step further, actually absorbing or taking on the emotional states of people around them, sometimes to the point of losing track of where their own feelings end and someone else's begin. Many of my clients are both. The good news is that the tools for managing both are very similar: grounding, emotional boundaries, and mindful awareness of what belongs to you.
Is absorbing other people's emotions a real thing or is it in my head?
It is very real, and it is not something to be embarrassed about. Research on mirror neurons suggests that humans are wired to resonate with the emotional states of others. For empaths and HSPs, this system is simply more sensitive than average. You are not making it up. You are experiencing something that is genuinely happening in your nervous system, and learning to work with it rather than against it is one of the most powerful things you can do.
Why do I feel more anxious and depressed when things are happening in the news or on social media?
Because your nervous system does not clearly separate what is happening to you from what is happening around you. When you scroll through distressing content, your body responds as if the threat is personal and immediate. For highly sensitive people this effect is amplified. Limiting your news and social media intake, especially during already difficult emotional periods, is not avoidance. It is nervous system hygiene.
How do I stop absorbing other people's energy without becoming cold or disconnected?
This is the question I hear most often and it is such a good one. The goal is not to stop feeling. It is to feel with awareness. When you develop the practice of checking in and asking "is this mine?" you can stay compassionate and present with others while still maintaining a clear sense of your own emotional baseline. Think of it as keeping a hand on your own heartbeat even while you reach out to someone else.
Can therapy help with being an empath or highly sensitive person?
Yes, absolutely. Working with a therapist who actually understands the empath and HSP experience makes a significant difference. A lot of highly sensitive women have spent years in therapy with well-meaning therapists who did not quite get it, and they leave feeling like something is wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with you. You just need support that is designed for how your system actually works. That is exactly what I offer through online therapy for empaths and HSPs throughout Florida.
What are some quick grounding techniques for empaths who feel overwhelmed?
Some of my favorites are the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (notice 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste), slow diaphragmatic breathing, placing your feet flat on the floor and pressing down, holding something cold or warm in your hands, and spending even five minutes outside in nature. These practices bring you back into your own body and out of the absorbed emotional field of whatever or whoever you have been around.
Ready to figure out what is actually yours?
If you are an empath, HSP, or highly sensitive woman in Florida who is tired of carrying emotions that do not belong to you, I would love to help. Through online therapy, we can work together to build the emotional boundaries, grounding practices, and self-awareness that let you stay connected to the world without drowning in it. Bring a willing heart. I will bring the tea.